Stephen Schneider

I’ill stop farting when it stops being funny

Well, well, well, looks like the Coke people are up to their dirty tricks, “If we get the diet drinkers to try this they’ll never turn back!

@VirginAmerica ‘s Customer Service Strategy: keep people on hold until their phone dies

@VirginAmerica ‘s Customer Service Strategy: keep people on hold until their phone dies

Is it inappropriate of me to give my girlfriend’s step father a Love Coupon good for one massage for Christmas? He’s stressed out

How many people do you think die each year putting christmas lights up on their house? Whatever it is, it’s not enough

How many people die each year putting lights up on their house? Not enough

If you put a flyer on my car in my mind you’re responsible for picking it up after I turn my windshield wipers on & blow it onto the street

I have GOT to set this girl up with my buddy Sub-Zero.

You can’t truly understand how disgusting you are until you listen to yourself chewing food with headphones in

Wait, you’re supposed to look at the other person when you’re video chatting, not the little box featuring you? No thanks.

Can dogs catch colds? I want to know if I can take a sip of his water.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

MYSTERY AMERICA: Border Patrol